[Tuesday, June 15th, 2004 ♥ 11:13pm] 9 days old.. yay! Apparentally I'm a good mommy. And this surprises my mother, lol. HotDog [yes, that's her nickname] has been a great baby! Very attached to me though. Not that I mind. Had some problems with her being constipated a couple of days ago.. She seems fine now. Was probably just her adjusting from Similac to Isomil. She weighed in at 7lbs4oz on Sunday, now she's a whopping 7lbs 12oz. I'm going to have a chubby little baby! Even though she's this skinny little thing. She drinks anywhere from 2-6 oz a feeding.. Every 3-4 hrs. I had a bad allergic reaction to the Cipro so I stopped taking it. I waited the 48 hrs so it was out of my system before trying to breastfeed again, and I now officially hate my OB =]. HotDog would *not* latch on to my nipple. I tried for an hour and she just cried the whole time so I gave in and gave her a bottle. I then cried. My OB could have given me any number of antibiotics that I could have breastfed with. Ugh. I'm officially down 32 lbs from the weight I was when I gave birth. I'm hoping to keep losing. I should, I eat healthy now. I'm down 12 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight too. To get to the lowest weight I was when pregnant, I only need to lose 15 more lbs. HotDog will NOT sleep in her bassinette on her back or side. She has to sleep in the bed with me, but she sleeps in the Boppy, propped up. She's also a stomach sleeper. If she lays flat she has to be on her stomach or else she won't sleep. I'm very thankful I got that sound and motion monitor for the baby shower. On the rare occasion that she will sleep in the bassinette, that comes in handy. She also will not sleep unless I'm near her.. Usually she won't fall asleep unless I'm holding her. It's okay though.. I love her to death so I'm not letting anything bother me. Usually I have to wake her up for feedings. She stirs a little and lets me know it's time, but I have to wake her up after I get the bottle and everything. She's a good baby.. And I'm a very happy mommy. Break my ♥

[Tuesday, June 15th, 2004 ♥ 10:03pm] 1 shattered thought | Break my ♥

[Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004 ♥ 9:47am] Okay. Sigh. Got out of an ice cold shower yesterday because I was sweating my balls off. Walked down the hall into my room in a towel, and went to sit down. Blacked out. Like.. totally out. Don't know how long I was down for, no one else was home. Finally got up with a pounding headache and got dressed. Called my aunt and asked her to take me to the ER.. She called my mom [after me telling her NOT to because I didn't want to worry my mom] and then left. Mom called me back 'What the hell happened!?!' So I had to explain that whole thing to her. She said not to leave with my aunt, just to have her sit with me and that she would be right home. So she gets home and calls the dr.. dr asks a bunch of questions about was I dehydrated, did I eat anything today, that kind of stuff, and then tells me to come in. Mind you, the whole time I'm shaking so bad I can barely hold on and I can't keep myself steady to save my life. So we go to the hospital, everyone thought I was in labor because I couldn't stand up straight on my own and I was clinging to my mother's arm. So we get to the drs office, they do my blood pressure- 160/90. Do my weight the best they can with me being unsteady, another 4 lbs weight gain in a week. So they take me back to the room and have me lay on my left side. I started throwing up.. So much fun! Dr comes in, wants me to go to L&D for ANOTHER preeclampsia lab and to be monitored for a while. Then she does an internal. Says my cervix is still posterior and still closed tightly. Then up to L&D we go. They finally did my labs and got the results and all of that fun stuff. The dr comes in *6* hours later and truly breaks my heart. 'If your cervix were ripe, we would induce you now and you'd have a baby early tomorrow morning sometime. But it's not and if we tried to induce you now you'd be in labor for days and then we'd end up doing a c section.' So I got sent home with Fioricet for my headaches because if any of you have had HBP headaches you know how badly they kill. My next appt's on Thursday, so I'm hoping my cervix is ripe enough for them to induce so I can have a baby by my due date. Even if it's not ripe enough, induce me, let me go 18 hrs of labor, then do a c section. My head hurts *way* too much because of this blood pressure.. and it's all because of the baby. Not that it's her fault or anything. 39w2d. Break my ♥

[Friday, May 28th, 2004 ♥ 7:50pm] Wow did I have an emotional breakdown this morning. I was exhausted and emotional and the cat was on top of my dresser. She spilled a bowl of cereal that was on there so I pushed her off the dresser crying that I hated her and that I couldn't put up with her ruining my life like that [I don't even know].. Well when I pushed her off the dresser she landed funny I guess.. and hurt her leg. She was all limping so I picked her up and took her downstairs crying about how bad I felt and I had my mom look at her leg.. It was fine. So I bring her back up here and hugged her and told her I loved her and all of that stuff. I put her down on the bed and she started limping really badly like she couldn't walk on her leg and she wouldn't put any weight on it and when I went to pick her up to take her downstairs again she let out that 'I'm hurt dont touch me!' meow. I ran downstairs hyperventilating and bawling my eyes out and I couldn't breath and my mom came up here and the cat let her look her over and all of that fun stuff.. Apparentally she was just mad at me and wanted to make me feel like crap because when I came back up here she was playing with the other cat running around and stuff. I'm just so emotional today.. it sucks. When's labor coming? 2 shattered thoughts | Break my ♥

[Friday, May 28th, 2004 ♥ 7:11pm] "If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal" Break my ♥

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